Because endings are hard...

My sister is graduating. I just listened to her last radio show, and she sounded emotional, which made me cry for some reason. I looked up an old blog entry from around the time I graduated, and it makes me realize that I have forgotten the overwhelming feeling of leaving my college life behind. I have forgotten how much I valued my college experience and my friends and how hard it was to leave them. (It was so hard that I moved back 4 months later)
So I guess this post is dedicated to my sister with both congratulations for finishing, more of a communication that I understand where you are right now and I think you should embrace your last days with your friends as much I tried to when I realized it was all about it be over and that I had to move one.
I know my sister will go on to great things and that there will continue to be endings in life that are difficult. It's good to look back and think about how things felt at certain times in life, because remembering them is powerful.

Sunday, May 01, 2005
i stared at her image in the side view mirror. the wind blowing and knew that we must be living in a different realm. and i kept looking at the face. hair blowing. sheer beauty. and i just wanted her to smile and be happy and know that she was loved. i wanted to know that the beauty in her heart and soul just shines. shines. shines. and i wanted to say that everything was okay and that whatever was going on in that mind would be resolved. but i couldn't. so i just looked in the mirror and took in the beauty of the experience. and though i saw her face it was almost as if i could read her heart. and i almost cried. so i shut my eyes and let the music language that carried me. and i knew that this was eternity in the back seat.
can i put you in my pocket and keep you with me always? i don't care if none of us grow, so long as we don't grow together. i don't care what happens as long as you promise that we can be friends forever. FORVEVER. that nothing will ever change and that you will always love me. always.
i cried so hard today. i felt out of control. i still do. no one seems to understand. its weird and it is hard and i am not sure if i am going to make it.
my friends. my friends. my friends.
my heart is breaking. breaking. shine forth sweet sun and melt all these cares away. i promise i will not falter. i will love.

Countdown to Completing Quarter 1 of 6...

Today kicked serious ass. There is no other way to describe it. Not only did I turn in all but one of my remaining assignments for the quarter, but I also got offered an internship with an organization called OCCORD that I am really stoked about.

I still have mixed feeling about my program, but I seem to have conquered the first quarter, and feel like this internship is a step in the right direction for learning about the areas of the field that I am really the most interested in.

So to sum things up, I am feeling pretty happy. And I also am exploring the possibility of doing a summer program in Europe, which could also make me very happy.


One quick question for any readers: When you were in college did students always clap on the last day of class? I went to my first class today and I thought that students were clapping because the teacher ended the class on a sort of inspirational note, but in my next class it didn't end in quite the same manner, but everyone still clapped. On the way out of class I asked a colleague if that was standard behavior and she said that it had been in every undergraduate class she had taken. Have you had similar experiences? Is it just my small private liberal arts university education that didn't make me aware of this clapping practice or are others not aware of it as well?

The Value of Time with Friends (Thoughts on the Holiday Season)

This picture was taken by John, who is linked on my sidebar at Mind on Fire. It was taken during a post-Thankgiving Anti-Consumer Party, which makes a point of spending time with friends playing games, eating good food, and enjoying each others company instead of waking up at 5am to hit those huge black Friday sales.

As Christmas is just around the corner, I have been thinking about how most of the gifts I purchase for people will ultimately be bought with student loan money, which isn't the most comforting thought. A friend of mine called me yesterday and asked if rather thank buying gifts for her and her husband, D and I would want to get together with them and make dinner and have a game night. I liked her proactive approach to this and the fact that her idea took the emphasis off purchasing something for each other and put it on spending time with each other, which is really the point of the holidays.

So I am thinking of extending this offer to some other friends because to cook dinner and hang out just sounds so much better than shopping for junk and worrying about money. Perhaps nearer to the holiday and when my finals are finished I will get a creative spark in me, but recently during the holidays I have kind of lacked the energy for that, so I guess we will see.

My Christmas present this year is going to be all about spending time with loved ones, and will include a trip back east with D to meet my family, and take a road trip cross country in the new/used car that my mom has to kindly decided to gift me. So yeah I am getting a big gift, which is really great, but I will honestly be more excited to spend the time with my family then to have a new car.

I value the time I get with friends and family so much and parties like the one in the picture are just a reminder or how much fun that time can be. = )