Monday, March 31, 2008
Last week I broke down a little bit, because I felt like all that peace was just shattering and I needed to mourn that a little bit. I mean, I never felt divine confirmation that things would work out- but within myself I felt a sort of confirmation that I would come to peace with whatever the future holds.
So maybe what it supposed to happen doesn't look like what we thought it would. Maybe I just need to way, and stay resolved to the fact that I will seek peace in all situations that are given. And in the end perhaps we'll find our purpose or see some sort of overarching logic over the things that are happening (or aren't) right now.
But I don't think that makes it all that much easier at the present.
Send light please.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
It's funny how everyone shows their love differently. I am not sure exactly how D shows his love in a way that I can classify it as well as myself, but he is more of a physical person when it comes to love. He likes lots of hugs and kisses, and I usually want to make dinner before I give him tons of hugs and kisses, because dinner seems to be more important for me. I know he shows me love be listening to me and sharing his intellect with me. He is not so much into gift giving or receiving as I am, but he is starting to accept it more and more I guess.
Anyway, even though I had a gorgeous time in Julian this past weekend I was also extremely moody and off balance and cried a lot more than normal. I don't know if it was hormonal or what, but it just kind of sucked and then yesterday I had a sucky visit to the DR. because they were out of the medicine I went there to get in the first place, and they gave me a shot which the nurse told me afterwards would cause me to be achy and feverish for up to two weeks.
D seeing all of this, called me at work and asked me if he could take me out to dinner (like a date). I said okay. When I arrived at home he had flowers, and a gift for me. I asked him why he had gotten them for me, and he said that he knew I had a rough few days and that he knew that I like to receive gifts and be taken out to dinner, and he wanted to to something nice for me to show me how much he appreciated and loved me.
Maybe it's not a huge deal, but it seemed like a huge deal because he is starting to learn my love language too. Like tonight we are going to a discussion group and I said I would come over to his house, we'd grab some dinner and then go, and he told me he'd cook for me because he knows how much I like it when he makes me dinner. (Which is totally true.)
I feel very special, and loved, and supported by him right now, and today has been a really great day. I have thought about last night several times and it made me smile all day long.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
On a more emotional note it feels weird to have your little sister be an adult too. I don't know why, but she was always my younger peer and I have a hard time thinking of her in the adult world, and I am sure that has something to do with the fact that I have struggled with adulthood so much myself. I am pretty sure that no matter where life takes us we will have this bond that is like best friendship x a million and I am so thankful for that. I love her so dearly, and I am sure that she understands and accepts me like no one else really could.
Happy birthday Hermanita. I hope to see you very soon and share more good times with you.
Friday, March 14, 2008
This is me is the best part of the article:
When Jim Carrey, the film's Horton, said those words during the Los Angeles premiere of the film last week, demonstrators who'd slipped into the theater started to yell. It was a surprise, to say the least, for the premiere audience.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
- Vegetarian "Beef" and Guinness Stew
- Irish Apple Mash Recipe
- Irish cheddar and Stout fondue
- Vegan Irish Whiskey Cake
I am excited about making all of this, but I also get kind of nervous when I make new things. I am wondering how strong the cake is going to taste of Whiskey. Also, generally I make vegan recipes with non-vegan products like real butter and milk and eggs. I am not a vegan and I figure that generally speaking real butter is better than fake butter.
We'll see how this Irish feast goes. My name is pretty Irish so you have to give me that. One the same hand, I cannot really drink beer like an Irishman (woman). I wish I could.
P.S. My mom always said that it was the corned-beef and cabbage that put her into labor with my sister, who was born on march 18th, 1987. I actually just remember that.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
It is hard for me to be content in the moment without worry about what is going to happen in the next hour, week, month, or year.
This morning at the Quaker meeting I reflected on life and my current circumstances. I thought about David and I and my friends. I thought about the future and the upcoming news about Grad school and what my/ our future holds. And then I let it go. And I realized how happy, and content I was at that very moment. I thought about how I had a lovely weekend with lovely company and how life doesn't always really have to be as complicated as I make it out to be. I felt a little bit guilty about thinking so simply about my life and feeling content in very simple things, but I also felt really good. And feeling good and letting go of making plans for an hour made everything seem like it would eventually just fall into place and work out for the best.
Tomorrow I will probably start making plans again. But I think I will try to make them less, enjoy the moment, and be content in the simple things.