Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Because endings are hard...

My sister is graduating. I just listened to her last radio show, and she sounded emotional, which made me cry for some reason. I looked up an old blog entry from around the time I graduated, and it makes me realize that I have forgotten the overwhelming feeling of leaving my college life behind. I have forgotten how much I valued my college experience and my friends and how hard it was to leave them. (It was so hard that I moved back 4 months later)
So I guess this post is dedicated to my sister with both congratulations for finishing, more of a communication that I understand where you are right now and I think you should embrace your last days with your friends as much I tried to when I realized it was all about it be over and that I had to move one.
I know my sister will go on to great things and that there will continue to be endings in life that are difficult. It's good to look back and think about how things felt at certain times in life, because remembering them is powerful.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
i stared at her image in the side view mirror. the wind blowing and knew that we must be living in a different realm. and i kept looking at the face. hair blowing. sheer beauty. and i just wanted her to smile and be happy and know that she was loved. i wanted to know that the beauty in her heart and soul just shines. shines. shines. and i wanted to say that everything was okay and that whatever was going on in that mind would be resolved. but i couldn't. so i just looked in the mirror and took in the beauty of the experience. and though i saw her face it was almost as if i could read her heart. and i almost cried. so i shut my eyes and let the music language that carried me. and i knew that this was eternity in the back seat.
can i put you in my pocket and keep you with me always? i don't care if none of us grow, so long as we don't grow together. i don't care what happens as long as you promise that we can be friends forever. FORVEVER. that nothing will ever change and that you will always love me. always.
i cried so hard today. i felt out of control. i still do. no one seems to understand. its weird and it is hard and i am not sure if i am going to make it.
my friends. my friends. my friends.
my heart is breaking. breaking. shine forth sweet sun and melt all these cares away. i promise i will not falter. i will love.

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