Sunday, April 27, 2008

Impatience/Beach Patience/Hot

I have been crabby this weekend. About once a month I get super irritable.
One of by biggest character flaws is that I completely lack patience.
And I think that my heightened irritability plus the intense heat has just made me an ultra-pitch.

I also haven't gotten used to the beach traffic on the way to my house on the peninsula yet, so as I sat in traffic twice today I honked, screamed, and cursed as I was sweating in the car and wanting to get home and stay there.

I have lived near the beach my whole life, and beach traffic has always been a major factor in life. When I was growing up I could look at through the woods in back of my house and see the traffic was backed up for three miles and was pretty much stopped on the two bridges that led to the two main ways to get to the beach town. I always went the back way to get to work, but sometimes that was not even good.

Anyway, this was not the ideal weekend to get my traffic zen on, but hopefully I will get used to it and started being more patient within a few days.

At least David is very supportive and patient and soothing and really amazing and I am thankful to have a partner who accepts me having a few off days on a pretty regular basis.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I don't know how ethical this is, but I kind of want one.

There is an article in the OC Register about this cat known as an Ashera, which is a blend of domestic cat, leopard, and serval. Apparently some people in San Juan Capistrano have one, and many animal rights people are up in arms about it. It seems to me that anything that any cat with leopard blood (even though it looks to cuddly) might have some very aggressive instinctual qualities. On the other hand, I think I might be all about having a 30 lb cat.

The truth is that I could never (nor would I want to) afford a $22,000 (at the cheapest) cat. If I got a kitty it would definitely be a rescued one.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Zen and the Art of Un-Jamming the Copy Machine

This morning I got to work and the copy machine was jammed. So I tried to unjam it, but in the process is poked me in the arm, and I hit it really hard. I proceeded to to the normal un-jamming process and it didn't work, so I slammed it really hard and called it a piece of shit because my arm hurt and there is NO jammed paper in there that I can see.

I definitely took the frustrations of really not liking my job out on the machine, and thought that maybe I could possibly stand to chill out a little bit. What do you think?

So now I am focusing on the fact that I have Friday off and that my little sister's radio show comes on in less than 5 minutes, and that it's pretty funny because as Jare said usually people hit the copy machine because it's not working not because it hit them first. =)

Monday, April 21, 2008

College Envy

I decided I wanted to go to Vanguard when I was 15 or 16. I was visiting another Assemblies fo God College for the weekend and felt like God told me that I should go to Vanguard. I am not talking about God speaking in a voice or anything, but I had a feeling. I went to visit the school as a Junior in high school and pretty much had my sites set on it. I planned on being a Math major and doubling in religion and the reason Vanguard worked was because it was one of two Assemblies of God schools that had s Math Major.

The choice to go to Vanguard- while at the time was definitely what I wanted- kind of felt like a let down in some ways because the school was known for being easy to get into, and was not exactly ranked highly in academics compared to other schools that I had dreamed of going to for years. I still have the M.I.T sweatshirt, because for nothing other than the name it was my dream school for several years as a teenager. I think my mom wanted me to apply there just to see if I could have gotten in, but instead I applied to Virginia Tech (good school for math, science, computer, etc.) and got in with little effort. But alas I went to Vanguard because I knew it was what I was called to do.

I am not at all making fun or questioning 'my calling' to Vanguard. I loved the school. I loved my education. I made some of the best friends of my life. I had professors that I still interact with normally. Because of the cost I decided to graduate a year early so I only spent three years there.

The summer after graduation, before returning to California I moved home, and stayed to help my sister move into her freshman year of college at American University in Washington D.C. I remember having a really hard time moving her onto campus, because I felt like I should be going back to school myself. I was also overwhelmed by the size of her schools and the many Gay/Lesbian, Jewish, etc clubs on her campus. There were booths set up for Frats, and College Republicans and Democrats, and I remember thinking that I missed out on all this diversity at Vanguard and feeling kind of cheated by that in a small way. I also felt cheated out of one more year of school, but I think I had had my fill of Vanguard at that point.

Anyway, on Friday night I was having dinner with a fellow Vanguard grad, and her friend who graduated from UCLA along with my UCI Alum David, and I said I felt like my opportunity to go to UC Irvine for grad school was like a chance to redeem myself. My friend from Vanguard commented that she felt like she had a great education there. I told her that I didn't disagree, but I also don't think I will know how well my education served me until I see how well I am able to do when I initially start grad school.

In general I feel like I have something to prove intellectually, and I feel like by going to an academically respected institution like UCI I will have the academic backing that I really desire in my life. I know it sounds kind of weird, but being from another state, it's kind of a big deal to go to a UC at all. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel like getting accepted and going to UCI is fulfilling something in my life that I have been wishing I had done for the last 6 years of my life, and at the same time I am not saying that I wish I didn't go to Vanguard, I am saying that I am stoked to take this opportunity to feel like I can achieve something I have been lusting after for quite some time.

I cannot wait for school to start in the fall. I am counting down the days. =)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I get around.

This morning when I was doing my sort of morning meditation- which is more like a self gathering then a meditation- I was staring at the wall behind my bed and looking at the Green Day and Harry Potter posters and thinking for the millionth time that I really need to do something new on that wall, and then I looked around and thought that all my walls could use some new (less college-ish) pictures. I have been meaning to get some prints of my photos and hang them up, but just never got around to it.

So in some of my ample spare time at work I decided to take a look through my webshots to take a look to see what art I want hanging on my wall, and then I realized that I truly get around to a lot of places and do a lot of really awesome things.

Since college graduation I have been to London, Spain, Chile, Portland (twice), Phoenix on a trip with my mom, to San Fran (with Jare and AJ once and Dave Matthews band the second time). The picture with me and my sister playing ultra-tourist is when we went to Tijuana for the day during my senior year of college.

But besides long distance travel David and I have gone a ton of local places within the past year or so and I have totally soaked up all the sights of Southern California. I saw the Tar Pits for the first time, and the Los Angeles Museum or Art-which was cool. I have been to the L.A. zoo and the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal park more than once. We've visited San Juan Capistrano a few times. I went on to separate occasions to the Huntington with my sister (first time) and mom (we had tea). Andrew, Jare, and I also took a really cool field trip to Glen Oak like two years ago and spent time eating apple pie and enjoying nice weather.

I am sure that I have many more things to see in Southern California, but I certainly do feel that I have exploited my location in life to the fullest by visiting local sites and seeing as many concerts as possible (Green Day, Damien Rice three times, Allison Krauss, The Decemberists, Kevin Devine, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, The Pogues, Ben Lee, Ben Folds, John Mayer just to name some).

I don't what I am trying to say other than I am revisiting a lot of really good times and feeling really blessed by all the memories I have made in the last few years. Thinking back on all the adventure surely helps me understand why I have been able to keeping chugging away at jobs I don't particularly care for. I am very much ready to go back to school and think that financial constraints might limit my adventuring, but I guess we'll see.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


David and I spent time taking a long walk in Irvine yesterday and we saw many lizards, butterflies and a few crawfish (which were really cool).

Today we went on a walk in the Environmental Nature Center in Costa Mesa. I was having a hard time taking pictures of flowers close-up, but got some great butterfly shots.

I kind of love that David encourages me towards nature more than I have ever felt in my younger years. In the past few years I have really fallen in love with being outside, and taking time to look at the small creatures all around me.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I want one mom.

So David has tried to convince me over and over again that you cannot have a lion cub for a pet, but you just look at these pictures and these faces and tell me they don't look cuddly enough to offer them a space at the foot of your bed.
Seriously though, if there was ever a time to visit the Wild Animal Park it is right now. There are 7, yes I said 7, baby lion cubs. David and I drove down with the main purpose being me intense desire to see these kitties.
I would say I watched them for upwards of a half and hour and that David is the best person to take anywhere because he is never like asks to keep going or to hurry up or anything. He has so much more patience than I do, and he allowed me to have a very leisurely time with the little baby lions.
I cannot wait to take my mom in a few weeks.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

6 Days of My Life are Gone

In other words, I just finished watching the Season 6 of the show 24. I said I was done after the last season, but rented a DVD last week and went for it. I have been in a DVD coma for about two weeks now, so not that I am done maybe I will move on to a book. I honestly need something cleansing after spending that much time in front of the tube.

I am generally not a TV person- that is to say- not anymore. We don't have cable and I can't tell you the last time I turned on the TV to flip through the static-y channels. I do I watch the Office and Grey's Anatomy (1.5 hours per week) consistently, but other than that TV doesn't really phase me. I flip it on sometimes at D's house sometimes because it is a novelty, and tend to see about 2 movies in theaters a month. I also am pretty consistent about watching Project Runway on DVD and last year downloaded This American Life to watch on some plane rides.

I have to say that there is nothing about the show 24 that upholds my values. It's pretty violent, and multiple people are killed in every episode, and it very strongly stereotypes an Islamic hatred of America and the fact that many terrorist attacks come out of it. (Although this time Russia and China were involved.) I guess this season it dealt with some pretty hot political issues regarding the imprisonment of Middle Eastern and Muslim Americans in illegal holding camps. They were held without warrant, without due cause, or proper arrest procedures. So I guess the Fox producers of the show allowed that to be showcased and reflected upon, but beyond that it kind of falls into a violent soap opera (HT to David for that term). American once again, with their rogue agent, Jack Bauer, who never dies but is shot several times a season, or dies and comes back to life, saves the country. He has managed to save his life along with America for 6 Seasons now- each season is only one day long, but have spanned over at least 12 years (because I am pretty sure there have been three terms of presidents.) I am convinced he is some sort of super-hero or maybe just the quintessential bad-ass American patriot who defends his country with honor and killing after killing after killing. (I am Quaker for God's sake, can you believe I am watching this show? It kind of makes me slightly sick to think that I enjoy it so much, and even though I could swear off the next season right now, will probably wind up watching it at some point.)

So I spilled my guts. I have guilty pleasures that result in utter wastes of time. TV is so freakin' draining. Can anyone is explains that? It literally drains me to lay on the couch and watch 3 hours of TV. I feel like every now and then, between episodes I surface from my TV coma and wonder what the hell I am doing, but this thing called 24 certainly is like a drug. You can't have just one. You always want more And even though you know it is wasting you away you continue to partake. Lovely. =)

Oh yeah, and speaking of drugs today equals 3 weeks without nicotine. It's still kind of hard on certain days and I have to admit that I almost broke tonight, but I figured that since I had a television show controlling me at this time, I don't need something else doing it as well. No, but really it has been a hard habit to break, but I am proud of myself and will continue to try and be strong.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

No broken hearts here.

Suppose I never, ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never, ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never, ever saw you
Suppose you never, ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall

(Regina Spektor)