Monday, July 14, 2008

Big Sister

Besides being a HIGHly emotional person in the first place, I always have trouble when I leave or my family members leave me to go back on a plane somewhere far away. I kind of have this policy now that family members do not get walked into the airport. They have to be dropped off at the curb because this ensures a swift departure and no crying at the airport security checkpoint line. It's hard to drive anywhere after or get on a plane when you are crying, so I try to avoid this now- even though it's difficult.

I have to say that one of the most alone times was when I watched my mom get on the shuttle and go home from Chile and knew my sister was in Brazil, and I was in this huge city all by myself. It wasn't the city itself that made me feel alone- it's just the act of putting someone on a plane and knowing how far anyone with your bloodlines is from you.

The last time my little sister left California she got home really late the night before she was leaving. I think I left to work and she took a super shuttle home, and when I got home there was a note on my bed that still floats around my room and makes me cry every now and then.

That night in bed with David I asked him to hold me as I cried- explaining that I just missed my sister. I felt desperate and sad not knowing when I would see her next (although I knew it would be in Chile)...

It's hard to describe my relationship with my sister- although I sometimes feel like she is kind of the same person as me, and yet so different. I think we would agree that as we have both grown up we have grown apart in terms of our interests and maybe not our personalities so much as the things we do for fun. I am not sure how to explain it other than to say that we are growing into our own persons as we grow up, but we still have this really amazing strong bond. We still look and talk like sisters. We still have all the same memories from when we were little. We are still us, just bigger/older versions, with much stronger opinions.

I like the person my sister has become. She is strong, smart, independent, funny, and well aware of the world around here (and that which is not so close.) I am proud of her. I love and hold her so close my heart.

I think maybe it's harder for me to think about my sister as a peer rather than a younger sibling I need to be an example for or more than that- I think I have always wanted to impress her and to have her think I was really cool. I wanted her to want to be like me for a long time. I don't think it was as much being self-centered as just knowing that I was an important example for her, and that meant a lot.

This weekend I keep reminding her that she is my 'my little babers' and then I tell her that I remember when she had just eaten lunch and I decided to dance with her and shake her up, which caused her to barf on me. We were just sitting on the floor, but I definitely screamed and let go of her. She was old enough to sit up and crawl so she recovered much faster than myself, myself who was upset about the throw up on my pretty clothes.

We are adults now, but she'll always be my baby sister, and those are two things that I struggle to reconcile, although I am getting the hang of it more and more.

1 comment:

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