Friday, January 25, 2008

Religious and Spiritual Ambiguity

I have to admit that I am sort of scared to post about my spiritual journey in life because it's a pretty fragile subject. I am scared of those that I will offend, hurt, and worry. I don't want my mom to worry about me because I have broken out of a strictly Christian mold, and I don't want my friends to read what I have to say and think that I am just a back-sliding Pentecostal. So, like I said it's really fragile.

I have worked a lot of my religious things out by talking with my partner and some of my capital (F)riends. I have been particularly thankful for the Mind on Fire website because it is a community for people who are thinking carefully about there faith and their unfaith and what it all means. I have felt particularly warmed by this new Leaving the Garden Series and there is a post today that I really felt like I related to. You can visit that post, and the site here.

I don't know if I am ready to blog in detail about my religious and spiritual feelings at present, like Elaine did in this post. Maybe because for me it is hard to write about religious ambiguity because it's- well it's ambiguous and within the context of my former religious beliefs it seems very wrong. So I guess I am kind of scared to come out the closet and offend people by saying that I am okay with it.

I don't feel like I need to put a very strict definition on God right now. I don't feel like I need to judge people within their own personal religious endeavors unless I feel like they are being harmful to others in some way. I feel very much at peace with the world and my place in it without knowing exactly what God does and doesn't mean. And while I feel pretty new and fresh in having these ideas, I don't feel like any of my important "Christian" morals or drives have changed. I still feel like I should try my hardest to love my neighbor as myself. I still feel like I should try to serve people when ever possible. I still feel that peace is the answer and that people should fellowship together. Maybe I don't think they necessarily need to fellowship as believers, but I think that fellowship as friends and as humans is pretty important.

So I guess what I am saying is that I feel like by expressing this in writing on a completely public forum that so many of my friends read is a little bit scary, and at the same time I don't think I am saying anything all that radical. (I mean it's not like I am endorsing sex before marriage right?) No, but really, ambiguity feels so calm and peaceful right now and I am at really positive place in my spiritual journey and am thankful for that.

1 comment:

JohnR said...

Bonny, your feelings are beautifully articulated. And I'm glad and honored that MoF has been a help. I wish I was where you are now spiritually when I was your age. (did I just say that?)

I can relate to the calm and peace you feel about ambiguity. I used to get so frustrated when I was grilled about the substance my belief, and whether or not I believed in God. I kept thinking to myself, "these aren't the right questions you're asking." I think it's why I feel so comfortable in our Meeting (though I've been a slacker lately). :)