Funk

I have been in such a non-productive funk for the past week. I used my birthday as an excuse for a while, and then I even bought a Chinchilla which has served as a lovely distraction, but I have this sense of nagging in me- I have to finish my thesis in three weeks, and I have to do school work, and eventually I have to graduate, find a job, pay student loans, and the like. I am pretty overwhelmed by the end of this two year vacation of sorts, and I feel like the fact that it is ending quickly has caused me to slow my pace immensely, and the bottomline is that at the moment I am pretty scared shitless of the real world- I lived there before and I was okay, but now I have a ton more debt, and I have to get a job to legitimize that- and I am freakin scared.

Too Much

4 classes, while working and attempting to be an intern is too much shit going on at one time to stay sane.

I think that's maybe part of the reason that I have been such a poor communicator in my relationship lately. It's like this general sense of being overwhelmed spills over into my personal life and I have a hard time separating eveything into neat little piles. This is the pile where you are overwhelmed by school and this is the pile where you love your boyfriend and you want to have a happy weekend with him without making all of these little conflicts out of nothing. If you saw my room right now, you'd see all the piles are pretty jumbled, and such is my life at the moment. (This kicker this weekend was really bad PMS)

Anyway I have things to look forward to.
1. Concert with D this weekend
2. Two concerts with Jare in like two weeks
3. Going home to see my family
4. and Summer Semester in Europe.

So if the next 4 weeks if a blur because of school I guess I am just going to suck it up and roll with the punches and hope that I keep my piles a bit more organized on the weekends so I am not so bitchy and conflict causing.

Moron Moment

I just wasted like 40 dollars of my allocated $100 per quarter print credit because I accidentally printed something in black and white on the color printer. (Which costs like $1 per page.)

I am kicking myself.

Friday Night- Fighing with Myself

I think that the major beast I am fighting tonight is exhaustion, and I should just go to bed, but I am sitting up here looking at my best friend's stuff that is all over the living room, and I am thinking about how starting tomorrow she will no longer be my roommate, and how it's a very sad thing for me.

I have most certainly taken for granted the fact that I had such a wonderful living situation living with my best friend. I have two other roommate besides my current roommates, and although they both remain friends neither one of them was my best friend, like Jare is.

We wait for each other to get home and catch up with each other at home almost everyday. We have gone to Portland together twice and San Francisco together once. We have never had any major drama in our relationship, and I think that we have always been very honest and open with each other. Although we sometimes have really insightful wisdom to offer to each other, we mainly just listen to, empathize with, and share with each other.

I didn't even meet Jare until I was a senior in high school, but when I moved out here she helped me move into my house, and basically put my bed together for me. She is awesome, strong, smart, and has an amazing heart, and I am so happy that she is going somewhere that she needs to be, but at the same time I might be crying a little bit because it's hard to realize how much you take people for granted until they are leaving.

So I am really sad, but happy at the same time. I know we will email and keep in touch, and really she is only about an hour (I think) across the Mexican border, so it's not like she moved that my farther away than David did. I need to get over my fear of driving across the border and just do it.

So maybe I am not going to sleep because I am sad, and wishing that she would walk up the steps to hang out for a little bit on the last night that she lives here, but I think it's late and she probably spent the night at her home in Riverside.

I'm pretty sad, but very thankful that I have been so blessed by amazing friends (who feel like family) like Jare.

Also if you are interested in donating to her or just learning about what she is going to be doing in Mexico there is a link to her blog here. Again, she has an amazing heart and will impact so many people in the future. The kids at this orphanage are going to love her so much, but I don't know if they will love her as much as me.

Ironic

My screenname isn't catbonny for nothing. I am 110% a cat lover, and can remember being one since I was in diapers. (I literally have a picture of myself tackling a cat while I was still in a diaper.)

We had cats for a little while when I was little, but when my father was out of the picture we didn't have any more cats until I adopted a neighborhood stray that has been with us (or is still with my mom) for about 8 years now. She started as an outdoor cat, and became more accustomed to the house, and then got a litter box, and now that my sister and I do not live here I am pretty sure she has the run of the house.

The ironic part of the whole cat situation is that I am also extremely allergic. I went to spend the last weekend in SD with D and spent the whole time sneezing, blowing my noes, and rubbing my eyes or taking benadyrl and getting all stoned on it...

And yet, I really think I can take the allergies because of how much I love them. Also, I tend to build up immunity to them after I live with them for a while. I just think it's silly that I have been so attracted to them for so long, and that my body goes crazy when it exposed to their dander and hair. It's kind of sad, and makes me wonder what it will be like when D and I get a cat in a small apartment or house some day and it will make me all sneezy all the time...

I still pick them up, kiss them, and cuddle them in bed, but man do they make me feel sick.

If you were watching the security video...

If you happen to be watching the security video from the Kinko's located at UCI from about 11:00 am this morning, you would see two adults come in with three bags brimming full of Farmer's Market produce.

You'd see the female walk over to the copy center and head right for the free scotch tape. She would have been tearing off long pieces and sticking them to the palms and fingers of her hand and then ripping them off one at a time. The male you'd see walking over to get some not free packing tape with he offers to the female, but she declines. Then she take some more tape and wraps it around 4 of her fingers, two on each hand. She wonders of she should leave them there because they make her prickly fingers feel better, but decides not to and asks her partner in crime to remove the tape from her four fingers. She then wipes here hands and few times, and gathers her bags, removing the greens from the top of her bunch of beets and puts them in trash receptacle. She has been laughing for the entire duration of this time in Kinkos.

And you'd probably laugh too if you saw the tape of David and I in Kinkos this morning as I tried to remove the teeny tiny hair like spines that had gotten into my hands from the cactus fruit I bought this morning.

I am not sure after all that that I will be able to eat the fruit without first having rubber gloves to handle them.

Lots of laughs and a little bit of ouch.

I want to throw up/move to Canada/not sing 'I'm proud to be an American'

So kudos to the Supreme Court for just confirming America is in the state that it is currently in.

I'm headed over to Walmart right to get me my firearm.
I mean, I have to be a little smart and say that I understand that the Supreme Courts decision doesn't immediately mean that guns are okay anywhere, but I also understand that the United States Government just made a huge statement that it pro-guns, and that makes my stomach turn.

It seems like we could look very simply at countries who are less supportive of firearms and see that there violence level seems to be slightly (?) lower than ours.I can't go on here because I don't have all the statistic and intellect to spew out to you at the moment.

I'm just kind of angry and I don't feel proud to be an American at all.

Weekend Loves/Likes/Not Like so Much

Loves

• David making me such a yummy breakfast this morning
• D telling me how much I mean to him and how much he truly appreciates all my help in house hunting yesterday. (Feeling that I have been on less of an emotional roller coaster about the whole thing, and feeling very secure about the future.)
• Having a non-spastic back, which is such a change from a week ago today.
• The Sicilian Thing pizza place that the Remy family recommended. D had thick. I had thin. It was scrumptious.
• Having the kitty wake me up on Saturday morning (and then going back to bed for a while.)
• Talking much with my surrogate sister, and thinking about getting her and Arnie together when she is here.

Likes

• The Mushroom Focaccia pocket for breakfast from the F-Market.
• Book Club meeting outside on my porch tonight. We talked about Three Cups of Tea, which is a really touching story about a man who starts a foundation to build schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan.
• The pretty sunset on the ride home.
• Playing a word game on the table at Macaroni Grill last night.
• Fresh watermelon from the F-Market, and blueberries, and blackberries. (YUMMM!)
• Staying in an air-conditioned house and a weekend when AC was much needed.
• Going to a party and seeing old friend on Friday night. Realizing how great being real with people is, and how certain relationships are such blessings.
• Feeling like we found a good home for D in San Diego.
• A few new dresses that are good for hot weather. (None over $15)

Not Like So Much

• D's parents dog who is really rambunctious and feeling bad for her being in the hot yard all day.
• My new shoes rubbing a bad blister on the back of foot, and realizing after a month of wanting them I need to return them.
• The lady not calling us when she rented the room D wanted, causing us to wait in San Diego for two additional hours.
• The temperature ranging from 109 in San Diego yesterday to 95 here today.
• Stubbing my two twice yesterday.

All in all this was a great weekend. I will be in L.A for the next two nights at two concerts. I am pretty excited about both. I am so thankful that life has been a blessing lately, and actually feeling great about house sitting for the next week and a half or so, because both places have AC and the heat was definitely getting to my head a little bit.

Impatience/Beach Patience/Hot

I have been crabby this weekend. About once a month I get super irritable.
One of by biggest character flaws is that I completely lack patience.
And I think that my heightened irritability plus the intense heat has just made me an ultra-pitch.

I also haven't gotten used to the beach traffic on the way to my house on the peninsula yet, so as I sat in traffic twice today I honked, screamed, and cursed as I was sweating in the car and wanting to get home and stay there.

I have lived near the beach my whole life, and beach traffic has always been a major factor in life. When I was growing up I could look at through the woods in back of my house and see the traffic was backed up for three miles and was pretty much stopped on the two bridges that led to the two main ways to get to the beach town. I always went the back way to get to work, but sometimes that was not even good.

Anyway, this was not the ideal weekend to get my traffic zen on, but hopefully I will get used to it and started being more patient within a few days.

At least David is very supportive and patient and soothing and really amazing and I am thankful to have a partner who accepts me having a few off days on a pretty regular basis.

The Weekend- Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Good

• In the spirit of Lent we went to a Lenten Fish Bake on Friday. I am not going to say that food was great, but I was just enchanted by the whole old people church fundraiser thing. I am a people watcher, so this event was great. We sat at a table by ourselves and no one joined us, but it reminded me of the Eastern Shore and being at a local event. Also, as the link indicates they are happening almost every Friday until Easter, so let me know if you want to go to one with me sometime.
• Beating David at Ticket to Ride TWICE.
• Lunch at Gypsy Den after the meeting. I love GD in Santa Ana. They even have beer on tap there.

Bad

• Headache. I have started to realize that I almost always have a headache and nausea on Sunday nights. I think that this means I don't drink enough water on the weekends, and I should try to remedy this.
• The slow cooker ziti I made from my new cook book. The sauce was made from wine, diced tomatoes, basil, and textured vegetable protein. I thought it was gross, so I poured half a can of TJ's organic sauce it, and it turned out okay- but I am not using that recipe again.

Ugly

• The movie Teeth. It is based on the myth of Vagina Dentata- which is a biting fish in the female.. well I will just let you read more here. Anyway I thought this movie was going to be more about repressed sexual desires in Christian teens, but really it was just a lot of severed... again, I am not going to go there. It was yucky!
• A vacuum I bought on craigslist. Can I say gross? The people who I bought it from said it was in perfect working condition and then when I used it is spewed dust ALL over my floor. I was pretty annoyed because they charged 20 dollars for it, and it was making my house dirtier than before. After I took a break from it, D and I discovered that the suction tube was completely packed with at least a foot worth of compacted yuckiness. We cleaned it out with chopsticks and an ice pick got got out a sink full of compacted carpet fiber, and what looked like stuffed animal filling. (Thank God it didn't smell and was not hair.) This took us about an hour and half, and was gross and sweaty, and even though the vacuum worked after, it was still really nasty and I emailed the people and told them I wanted my money back. YUCK!

The Life and Times of a 24 year old.

Yep. Now I am 24. (And by the way I had a very nice Birthday and was showered by fun gifts, lots of friends, and even a song just for me)

I'd like to say something very profound about politics and the election, but I just feel nervous about it at this point, and that is none too elegant of a thing. I voted a week ago at the early voting at John Wayne Airport. I voted for Obama and even though I don't love her all that much, I have to say that if Hillary wins it would not be my first choice, but I just want a Dem in office. (I am sorry to sound partisan)

Also yesterday I lost my ipod. Also not very profound but it just sucks and I am very unhappy with myself for doing it.

I think that's all, I just wanted to say I alive, 24, voted, and lost my ipod.

Maybe tomorrow I will be more inspired.