2 years later

Two years after I have decided to return to school for a degree, things are wrapping up. I have one final paper to write- that I have been putting off for about a week now, because when I finish writing it I will officially have nothing else to do- and then I will feel even less secure than I do at the moment.

I don't remember being this nervous about life the last time I graduated. I moved home for the summer- saved up a bunch of money-and moved back to S. California where I knew that any old job would work for my needs- I started out by temping and finally got into accounting full time an was making a decent salary in three years time- but I was unfulfilled and unhappy, so I went back to school, and here I am again.

But this time- with a lot more debt to my name- and a job market that looks bleak to say the least. I tell David that I am worried and scared and he says that it won't help me at all to worry. I agree. I won't help. But I can't help it.

Now, not only do I need to find a job to pay my bills and my rent- but I also have to find a job to prove to myself that the last two years of my education and my debt were worth something to me. I mean in reflection, of course they were worth something- but when I enter the job market and don't feel as though there are many openings that relate to my field- what is it really worth. It seems scary that two years after leaving the accounting field, I am thinking that accounting doesn't sound too bad- IF I can get a job doing it...

In all actuality I know that something will work out and something will come up and that worrying won't help- It's just that two years later this is all a lot to think about. Being on the precipice of adult life once again- I always thought that it would be hardest to transition from working full time to going back to school, but I am starting to think that the harder transition is going to be going from being in school full time to working again.

Funny how it works out that way.

Update on nude swim...

No pictures for this one.

I am proud to say that after much struggle with trying to narrow down when I could actually do this, tonight I was one of two women who attended the nudist swim night in Barcelona's indoor pool that was used for the 1992 Olympics. I am kind of at a loss for understanding why this event it only attended by men, but all of the people working as the pool told me that this was normal, and one of the naked men in the hot tub with me told me that it was always similar when one went to a nudist beach...

I think the main thing that we learned from going was that it was not a particularly well attended event, and it was definitely not a tourist affair. However I did find it totally fun and freeing, and pretty wonderful to do it. I feel like I could personally be down with a nudist movement, and it's hard for me to understand how it is that we became so prudish in the United States. It's just the human body, right?

Anyway- one notable part of the time we were swimming was that several spectators walked by to see the Olympic pool, and I dont think many of them were expecting what they saw. Amy said that it was one the craziest things that she has ever done in here life... I might have to agree.... I wish that my swim in the Mediterranean had also been nude...well not really, but a little bit. = )

I am hoping to catch up on blogging this coming week. I have needed to put the computer down and get some rest at night, so I have slacked a bit.

Not much for the Blogging Lately...

School concluded about a month ago, and I think maybe I have gotten so facebook dependent so much that I feel like I keep up with people by tweeting rather than blogging, but I do like this forum as well. As many of you know I am headed off to Spain in about one week. I will be studying there for a month, and then I will be traveling with my mother in Ireland and Scottland for about two weeks. I am very excited and I plan on updating often with lots of pictures to show when I am on the trip.

My sister has been deported for her Peace Corp service for a month and a half now, crazy right? You can check out all of her latest happenings here http://bulgarianna.blogspot.com/. I had thought that I was going to be able to see her when I was in Europe this summer, but it doesn't look like it is going to happen as of now. She is going to be living in a rather remote village that will not be easily accessible via weekend tripping. It's sad, because I miss her, but I feel like I get to talk to her enough to keep in touch and to know what's going on. She seems to be doing really really well for herself, and I am so proud of her.

One of my best friends is getting married this weekend, on the 4th of July. A few people have commented that this is really weird, but I think it's amazing that I get to go to an awesome party thrown by someone else for this holiday. It will be wonderful and I am sure there will be amazing pictures.

I got a new tattoo. It's a Japanese crane- taken from the album The Crane Wife by the Decemberists. It's not complete yet, but when it is the bird will be standing in water and the water will say " Here All The Bombs, They Fade Away". People have asked me why this is so significant, and I guess the best way that I can explain it is that I love the Decemberists and there music makes me feel extremely connected to my sister, because she told me about them, we have listened to them together, and enjoyed a few of their concerts together and it has been magical. Also, this is my third tattoo, and it is a bird like the rest. The bird references have to do with my mother, because she is a birder through and through, so it all links back to her-- like most things in my life.

I don't have a ton more to say. I have really just been relaxing and getting ready for my trip and I am excited about it- even though I will miss D I think it is going to be good to get away and to experience the world a bit more...

Expect to hear from me more when I am In Europe. Have a wonderful summer everyone.

Trip Pics

David and I took a trip back to my mother land this Christmas (by plane) but we traveled back to the left coast via car... It took me sometime to post all the pictures online, but they are all up on my webshots now and you can see them all if you care about us that much... You can see them all here.

These are some highlights This is David with his foot on top of a Cypress knee in Pocomoke, MD. The knees of the trees will shoot up out of the water (because when it is not winter and it's wet, this is swampy) and I believe it helps them to take in enough C02.This is my sister and D at Fort McHenry in Baltimore, MD. Francis Scott Key wrote the star-spangled banner about the flag that "was still there" which was housed at the fort.

This is when I became a prisoner at Fort McHenry, but the prison experience wasn't that bad because I was only sentenced to 30 seconds in the jail cell due to the fact that it was overcrowded and other people wanted to take pictures.



Here is D honoring the life of Edgar Allen Poe. We went to the house that he lived in, which seemed to be very much in proximity with some serious corner drug activity that was happening on this chilly Baltimore day. I felt like I was in The Wire for a minute.



Here I am trying to figure out how well I would fit in the sleeping quarters of a replica boat at Jamestown, VA.



I don't even know what state this is, but I was tired of driving so thought I would stop at this authentic Indian Trading post that advertised it's live buffalo for many is billboard... It was actually something I would like to call PETA about because this poor tourist attractions were pretty much living in their own feces and it was really gross and sad...


Here we are at the full size replica at the Parthenon. I know it was inTennessee. I think it was Nashville, but am not completely sure. We couldn't go in because it was closed, and it was really cold and early in the morning.

And here we are trying not to get frostbite at the grand canyon. I might have posted this before, but I don't remember. It was cold enough to warrant posting twice.

When life gets exciting...

Most of you know I am a major stress case. I have spent the last several weeks stressing about various things, and one of those things is going from a decent income to a zero income and a negative income that involves paying expenses with student loans.

So I have been spending time looking at tutoring, admin, and random part time positions, and that's not really the most fun thing I have ever done, but tonight I looked at the UCI Planning, Policy, and Design website, and was taking a look at all the great places their students have interned at, and that made me feel really excited.

Because there are so many cool planning organizations right in my back yard, and this really is the perfect place to work on a career in Urban Planning with a focus on environmental sustainability. I guess maybe I just get scared that I am waiting for this program to have everything fall in my lap, but I don't think that's really what I am doing.

I am going to be getting a really good starting point, and foundation on something I really want to do and something I am passionate about, and while there are common day stresses to think about I really should be sitting on my couch thinking about how excited and how fortunate I am to have an opportunity to pursue the education that it going to give me so much opportunity in a field I think I might just love.

It's also exciting that my love is doing something very similar.

And I guess in that way I am way less stressed and way more excited than I have realized in a few weeks.

First Impulsive Buy With Student Loan Money

That's right. It's a little baby computer, and I don't feel too bad because is was $310 with shipping and some people have phones that cost more than that. So I justify it by saying it will be good for school, it will let me loan David my big laptop because his wireless sucks, and I haven't had a new cell phone in three years.

I don't know if it's really impulse, now I just have to remember student loans have to satisfy all normal bill payments until part time work is acquired. Fun stuff.

A New One

Since my vacation I seemed to have cooked a bit less, although D has definitely been contributing his fare share of the meal cooking...

My newest food encounter is beets. I remember at the Friends Retreat at Easter we had some wonderful golden beet soup, and really liked it, and David mentioned we should use more beets, but I have to be honest- they totally intimidate me. They have that yucky looking outer peel, and I thought you had to roast them for hours at a time. It turns out you can just boil them like potatoes.

I I boiled them for about 45 minutes the other night (until I good get the fork in easily) and then I chopped them up (skin and all) and put them in the fridge.

I did a little searching for recipes, and decided I would add bleu cheese, walnuts, red onion, and a salad dressing made of lime juice, honey Dijon mustard, balsamic vinegar, some other salad dressing, and a pinch or two of sugar. And not only was it beautiful (beets are so pretty) but it also tasted pretty amazing. David really liked it, which is always a huge surprise for me.

Next on my list is beet borscht. Anyone ever had/made it? I am hoping to find some golden beets at the market in the next month or so...

I heart photos

So the challenge in recently joined Flickr group was to do some light painting. You should check out the group and see what other people did, but I like this one a lot. It's my heart of flames. I posted the other ones I took here. (I like the one with David encircled in my flame rope paint.)

This is a really cool technique called light painting which I had never heard of until the challenge. It involves leaving the shutter of your camera open for a longer period of time- I had some issues with trying to do in in a well lit room, but it worked much better in the garage.

I did these with a stick lighter that David gave me, but look forward to trying some more in the future with a flashlight...

It has to be better this time...

I signed up for my classes at UCI yesterday. This is really very exciting for me. I have been out of school since 2005 and have been working ever since them to maintain my life in Orange County. I have not loved my jobs, but I made many friend at them and got a sweet Severance package from New Century not to mention unemployment, and maybe one day when the whole bankruptcy thing gets settled they will send me another check for $600.

Anyway, I am a little bit scared of starting school and mainly because it makes me think about when I started school again in Fall 2005. After taking a year off from school and working at New Century I decided that I should work on getting my teaching credential. I figured I could go to Vanguard, and wouldn't have to do much to get into the program-which was true. They accepted me with no problem.

The slight problem in all of this was that I had no interest in teaching- although I convinced myself it was the right thing for a while. I thought that I would get summers off like my mom did when I was growing up, I'd make decent money (if I could get a job) and I'd be able to apply my History degree- which is something that seemed rather hopeless at the time.

The only hurdle I had to jump over was taking the CSET for history. I had to take one twice, but I passed. I started the program and was surrounded by all these hyper-enthused classmates. I had no enthusiasm. I got into a classroom and realized that it scared the shit out of me that the kids looked not that much younger than me. I felt like I didn't remember history well enough to teach it, and eventually I just realized that I didn't care about teaching, and I just wanted an easy pathway to a job, and that therefore I would suck as a teacher because I would be unhappy doing it.

So I dropped out like a month or so into the program. I lost part of the money I had paid Vanguard, and I eventually wound up back at New Century again.

I never felt like I failed or gave up. I knew I made the right choice to leave and the wrong choice to enroll just because it seemed like I might be able to work it out.

Starting school again scares me just because what if the same thing happens again? I guess I feel like there is little chance of that because this program is something that I really care about and I think it really will give me the tools to work in a career that focuses on environmental sustainability-which is something I really care about. I definitely worked harder to get in, and am proud of how hard I worked. I am just a little bit nervous to start school again and see how it works out this time.

I plan on being completely happy and successful and I am sure not going into is half-hearted by any means this time, so I think I am starting off on a better foot than before, and that has to help.

Disclaimer

I bought new glasses today-both regular and sunglasses.

I don't know if I have ever told you this story, but it's a shameful/funny one. Shortly after returning to college for my final semester. I thought that I would be clever and swim in the Pacific Ocean fully clothed. I am going to be honest and it had a lot to do with being off anti-depressants and embracing stuff that is hard to embrace and not going in the Pacific once. The bad thing is that as soon as I went under I my brand new glasses came off my face and floated into the Pacific.

Now let me just say these were very nice and expensive glasses my mother had purchased me. At the time she said it was the last pair she'd be able to get me on my insurance (since I was graduating soon.) I remember it being like 300 dollars and I remember feeling SO bad that I had wasted my mothers hard earned money. I think I have always been someone who knows the value of a dollar, and I was mortified.

I sulked back to the car soaking wet and asked Tina and Layla to help me look for my glasses in the ocean. I didn't find them. I wore my prescription sunglasses until the next day and they called me Stevie Wonder, and I bought some more the next day. I think I told my mom the next summer. Everyone LOVES my current glasses, which out the ones that I bought that final semester in college in 2004.

I have had the lenses replaced since. Do I think all in all I got my use out of the initial 250 for them and 200 more for additional frames two years ago. I am really sorry to say goodbye to these and fear I will get many fewer compliments on the new ones than I did these.

Something I DO NOT like about all the new glasses is that they insist on having HUGE designer names on the side of them. So my new glasses say Versage (is that how to spell it) and I kind of hate that, but feel like at the price (clearance) it couldn't be avoided. I also got some prescription sunglasses because I tried the whole contact thing and failed miserably. I guess every 4 years we need to spend three car payments on two pairs of glasses, but that doesn't make it that much easier to drop the cash.

Anyway, I am not complaining, more saying that it's time for a change and that is you see my designers name screaming in the side of my head, just know that I wouldn't have wanted it that way.

Verdi's Macbeth

This morning I saw my first opera ever. (On the big screen)

In case you haven't heard, the New York Metropolitan Opera- in a attempt to make it more accessible to people from different walks of life has starting a series of life broadcasts Operas that can be viewed for just over $20 in several movie theaters across the nation. In order to give even more people an opportunity to see these operas they have allowed several public schools to broadcast them for free, and the CNN broadcast they showed at intermission had some pretty decent (and also very funny) reviews given my some pre-teens that had just viewed Romeo and Juliet. I believe you can look at a schedule here.

When D first suggested the idea of seeing the opera on screen I was hesitant. I mean, it's like over three hours and in Italian and could have potentially been very boring. But I was pleasantly surprised. From the behind he scenes footage to the up close performances that could be seen by the camera- I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, and although I am thinking seriously about purchasing a cheap seat to the L.A. Opera in the neat future, the fact that you don't need to dress up and that you can sneak your own snacks in and lean back in the chairs in the theater made this a really unitimdating first experience Opera that I will no doubt partake in again. Of the ones coming up I am especially interested in seeing Tristan and Iseoult and La Boheme. If anyone else is game let me know. The tickets actually sell out relatively early, and next time we will know to make it to the theater a tad bit earlier, but all in all I give if 5 stars.

Christmas Gifts I am Enjoying or Have Enjoyed (Some of Them a Little Too Much)

• A Super Soft Alpaca Scarf (from my Momma)- It's black, so it goes with anything.

• The Dark Materials Trilogy (from David)- I just finished the 2nd book this morning, and am admittedly hooked. I have been told I will be unsatisfied with the 3rd, but I am having a hard time believing that as of yet.

• A gift certificate to my most sacred spot ever Alta (from the Remy family)- Sunday night dinner was spent with my AJ and my Jare under a big umbrella on the patio when it was raining and the waitress was getting annoyed because we asked her to come out in the rain. Also, I asked Tess if she had opened the store on Christmas Eve to sell of gift certificate to JR and he said yes and then felt like it was completely worth is when she knew it was for me.

• Trader Joe's Giftcards (From Arnie and My Uncle)- Can I just say praise to those who provided my groceries. Tonight D is going to reap the benefit of these groceries, while I make him with the

• New Mini Food Processor (from D) - which helped me to make lasagna and tonight is going help me to make my first ever homemade Pesto. (Yum!)

• Guitar Hero for the Wii (from Jare and AJ)- I think they have enjoyed it just as much as me. I sucked at first, but last night I conquered Slash from Guns and Roses (on easy), and was really proud of myself. The only problem is that this game can totally consume not only hours, but also days of your time- which means I have to be really careful.

I know Christmas is not about gifts, but I certainly find it fun to give them and to receive them. I feel really blessed by all the people in my life who thought about me this past Christmas. I think that their love and relationships are the best things of all, but the presents have also been really fun.

A New Home

A new year means a new chance to take big leaps and take some risks. With that being said, I have decided to find a new home for my blog, because my three year old Xanga doesn't have all the features I would really like anymore.

There is no big plan or scheme to this blog, but I am hoping it will be more aesthetically pleasing, and organized.

Welcome to my new home.