Hermanita Aqui

Breaking News: It is now confirmed that the little sister (otherwise known as babe) will be making an appearance in the OC from July 10th-July 15th. She plans on making many guest appearances at special events and not only spending her time with the best big sister ever, but also the other people who love her on the West Coast. Please make your reservations now as her schedule could get quite busy.

(I cannot believe how much we have both grown up since this picture that was taken over three years ago on the bus rise across the border in Tijuana. It's weird when your little sister is a real grown-up even when you don't think you are a real grown-up quite yet.)

Feel Good Religion

Last week I saw Rainn Wilson speak at UCI about his perspective coming from the Bahá'í Faith. The event was great in that he was hilarious, and that I really liked what he was saying to young people about going on their own spiritual journeys and coming to their own truth about God and religion and such. I liked his perspective on the value of humans and how through valuing people and loving them we are essentially participating in a spiritual solution to some of the worlds major problems.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to talk about the presentation. After I went I was talking to a few people about the presentation and trying to recap it and give my impression of what he said the faith was all about. In saying that I compared it to Quakerism (although I am told it is a little bit more strict and by the book than Quakerism). I was saying that they believed in the unity of all Gods in religion and the unity of people and the value of people. I said that I thought the main difference between it and Quakerism was that it seemed like you needed to believe in God proper to be Baha'i, but in Quakerism not so much- although Quakers do tend to say that they search for God within each person, which to me makes it kind of humanist rather than true theism. But I don't want to completely get into the Quaker faith either, because it is something I have a hard time putting into words.

So when I was talking about this two different people said something along the lines of 'oh, so this is one of those hippie-feel-good-everything-goes religions?' Both people come from a Christian background, so I get where they were coming from, but at the same time I found it offensive in that it completely over simplified a faith (Quakerism) that I take rather seriously. To me the so to speak gospel of Quakerism includes: tolerance, understanding, open-mindedness, acceptance, social responsibility, social justice, equality, and valuing other people. It's something I take seriously, and maybe it is more so of a 'feel good' religion because I don't feel an overwhelming guilt that God is going to strike me down for sinning or that I have to be ashamed of sin, but it's also pretty serious and could be kind of heavy to really consider where your social responsibility in the world resides. It doesn't always feel good to be open to people with different beliefs or try to understand people from different backgrounds, but it certainly is important, and it truly does form bonds between people groups that can have a big impact on the world.

I hope I am saying this clearly and emphasizing the fact that I think that for me Quakerism is much more than something that makes me feel good. It makes me feel responsible and connected to my fellow man. I makes me feel as though I have a context in which to engage really difficult issues. I guess no one in religion wants to be put in a box (and neither to I), so I felt like I needed to explain a bit better my connection to this faith.

I will leave you with a link to my friends blog and her posting of this month's advices and queries from our Friends meeting in hopes that it gives a look into the things that Friends find important and chose to think about/discuss during their time of worship and meditation.

Where I Come From

There are horses (actually they are ponies) on the beach. I know this is a sucky picture because it's a picture of a picture, but you can see that the pony is having a little prance in the ocean with the tourists. Here's some info about this amazing national park where I am from on the Eastern shore of Maryland. I guess they are really horses, but we always call them ponies.

They are actually kind of a nuisance because they leave big horse poop piles on the beach and they will walk right onto your beach blanket and demand your lunch from you, but that's really because people have fed them too much and they are completely uninhibited.

The picture is from a card my mom sent me, and her last line was 'Do you have horses on your beach?'

So if you ever get a chance to go to Assateague Island is an awesome place to see some really cool wildlife.

Okay to cry?

Since I cried a lot this weekend, David and I had this discussion about why we cry/don't cry.

I told him that I grew up in a household where I was never discouraged from crying. The only time I remember when we had some issues about crying was when my little sister was going through this phase where she cried over anything and everything and we would tell her she 'cried over air' which made her cry. I generally will 'cry over air' throughout certain periods (or certain periods in my life), so I feel bad for giving her a hard time for it now.

But in general I was always taught that it was okay to cry and it was best to get it out. Crying was a good therapeutic release that helped to keep one from suppressing their emotions. I have cried about my lack of father through out my life-sometimes out of sadness and sometimes anger, but I think that my mother encouraged this in order to help me express myself.

I spent a lot of my years in the Pentecostal church crying and weeping hysterically during services. I think a lot of it had to do with feeling overwhelmed with conviction or overburdened by the weight of the souls of others. Some of it had to do with guilt and shame, and a lot of it (once again) had to do with my abandonment issues and my father. I felt that all of this crying, and all of the prayer and encouragement of others was therapeutic, but it got old after a while. And then I kind of felt bad when I didn't cry because I thought maybe God was not speaking to me or maybe I couldn't heat him.

I cried periodically in college. The most memorable crying was my second year when I was in a bunk bed that I used to slam my head on about once a month. I was never able to just shake this off at all, I think I used it was an excuse to get some good cry time in, but really it just generally hurt and when I hurt I thought about all the stuff that hurt- like missing my family, etc.

As I have gotten older I still cry quite a bit. I was regularly crying over sex for a while, which was really extremely annoying and probably had nothing to do with sex at all. I think it sucked the most because it but a really negative spin on something that should not be negative. I cry about once a month when I get all hormonal. I think during this time just about anything can and will make me cry. I am working on rectifying my source of birth control because I think this makes it more out of control than it should be.

This weekend I felt justified in my crying-although wished a lot that I could stop. I cried because my anxiety about David leaving is high, and it brings up all this abandonment BS which is totally frustrating- but real at the same time. I cried because as happy as I am for him, and I also really sad that I will have to save up all my love for the weekends, and that it might be sort of a struggle with loneliness, etc. I don't know if the crying helped that much, but it certainly is a good way to acknowledge the fear and anxiety of the situation. Now I just need to start dealing with it in a healthy manner. I know that I can, it's just a little bit hard.

So the moral of this post is that I cry a lot, and I am completely okay with it. I think it's a major source of release and it helps me to get emotions out rather than keep them in. It makes me feel less week than it does vulnerable, and I am happy when I have someone to share the vulnerability with- crying alone is a little bit harder.

Do you cry? Are you okay with crying? Are you ashamed of crying? What role has crying played in your life? Is it something that had never happened, come in stages, or has been common in your life?

In Flux

In the past week I have been dealing with the fact that things change in life, and sometimes they change fast and we have to just roll with it, which can be less easy than it sounds, but also not as harder as we normally think.

I few weeks ago my best friend told me that she was almost certainly moving to New York. Since she also happens to be my roommate, this is a slightly big deal. But more so because she is my best friend and I will just miss her.

And on Wednesday D found out that he got a space in the MFA program at San Diego State University (which I am so proud of him for), and of course that means that my love is going to be moving away as well.

I think I am just amazed by how quickly things can change and how quickly we can be jolted out of out comfortable and happy lives and how we have to adapt and adjust rather quickly. It makes me think about kids who grow up to fast because of their parental circumstances, but I guess that I can at least be thankful than now I am just an adult who has to grow up quickly- but who generally has the skills and attributes necessary to adapt when things change quickly.

So I took a mental health (sick day yesterday) and it was a good time to think about things and resolve myself to current changes and to really think about the positive things that can come out of them.

I am really excited for David and I feel secure enough in our relationship that I think this is going to really good for us. But at the same time fast changes kind of suck a little bit.

Oh yeah, and David told me that when he moves to San Diego we can have annual passes to both Sea World and the Zoo and can go there everyday- which means I am the winner in the end!

The reason that I am still awake

Is that I am waiting for David to arrive at my house to I can promptly fall asleep in his arms.

He was at an event that goes rather late and asked me whether or not he thought that he should come over, and I selfishly said yes because I for one prefer to wake up next to him when I have the chance.

And I want to make him breakfast in the morning.

And now he is here. And now I am off to bed with someone to keep my warm.

Have you ever heard of scrapple?

Scrapple is a savory mush of pork scraps and trimmings combined with cornmeal and flour, often buckwheat flour. The mush is formed into a loaf, and slices of the scrapple are then fried before serving. Scraps of meat left over from butchering, too small to be used or sold elsewhere, were made into scrapple to avoid waste. Scrapple is best known as a regional food of Delaware, South Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Maryland. You can read more on Wikipedia.

I am posting this because tonight at Jana's birthday party I asked if anyone had ever heard of this, and they said no. I was shocked. I ever had a fellow east-coaster at the party and I know at least one of the other attenders lived on the East Coast for a while. I didn't realize that this 'savory mush' has such a small region of existence, but now I know.

I grew up eating this occasionally, and the Wikipedia article honestly kind of makes me want to gag. Mainly because of the parts of the pig it includes and also because it mentions the fact that it is gelled into a loaf form. I remember it having a distinct flavor if not more of an extremely distinct texture. The only way I can describe it is that is is a meat flavored slab that has a firm outer layer, but inside it is kind of the texture of mashed potatoes or a hash brown.

Can you say yummy?

Not really though. It's a pretty gross concept overall. My mom never bought it but I definitely had a my fair share of this regional delight when I was coming of age.

I wonder if it is much worse than eating hot dogs?