Send light.

I've been praying, meditating, and sending positive thoughts out there for several months. In general I am meditating and allowing myself to be in a place where everything works out and all of the answers come to us.

Last week I broke down a little bit, because I felt like all that peace was just shattering and I needed to mourn that a little bit. I mean, I never felt divine confirmation that things would work out- but within myself I felt a sort of confirmation that I would come to peace with whatever the future holds.

So maybe what it supposed to happen doesn't look like what we thought it would. Maybe I just need to way, and stay resolved to the fact that I will seek peace in all situations that are given. And in the end perhaps we'll find our purpose or see some sort of overarching logic over the things that are happening (or aren't) right now.

But I don't think that makes it all that much easier at the present.

Send light please.

Cheese!

The rest of them are here!

by catbonny

Pretty, pretty.

So many pretty daffodils at Camp Stevens this Easter Weekend.

I cannot wait to go back to the camp with my mom on Mother's Day. It's about a month and week away, but I am sure time will fly.

How do you love?

The way that I generally express my love towards someone is to take care of them. For example I love to cook for people- I absolutely love making dinner for D. I also really like to buy little gifts for people when they make me think of them or I know it's something they would absolutely want. I like giving back rubs and writing cards, but more the actual aspect of giving or making or helping with a task is how I show love.

It's funny how everyone shows their love differently. I am not sure exactly how D shows his love in a way that I can classify it as well as myself, but he is more of a physical person when it comes to love. He likes lots of hugs and kisses, and I usually want to make dinner before I give him tons of hugs and kisses, because dinner seems to be more important for me. I know he shows me love be listening to me and sharing his intellect with me. He is not so much into gift giving or receiving as I am, but he is starting to accept it more and more I guess.

Anyway, even though I had a gorgeous time in Julian this past weekend I was also extremely moody and off balance and cried a lot more than normal. I don't know if it was hormonal or what, but it just kind of sucked and then yesterday I had a sucky visit to the DR. because they were out of the medicine I went there to get in the first place, and they gave me a shot which the nurse told me afterwards would cause me to be achy and feverish for up to two weeks.

D seeing all of this, called me at work and asked me if he could take me out to dinner (like a date). I said okay. When I arrived at home he had flowers, and a gift for me. I asked him why he had gotten them for me, and he said that he knew I had a rough few days and that he knew that I like to receive gifts and be taken out to dinner, and he wanted to to something nice for me to show me how much he appreciated and loved me.

Maybe it's not a huge deal, but it seemed like a huge deal because he is starting to learn my love language too. Like tonight we are going to a discussion group and I said I would come over to his house, we'd grab some dinner and then go, and he told me he'd cook for me because he knows how much I like it when he makes me dinner. (Which is totally true.)

I feel very special, and loved, and supported by him right now, and today has been a really great day. I have thought about last night several times and it made me smile all day long.

Happy Birthday to my beloved Sis!

Today my little sister turns 21 and can officially drink. I remember that when we took our trip to Europe when she graduated high school and I graduated college that we were excited that we could go out and party together, but in London drinking was to expensive because of the pound to dollar exchange and and in Spain our hotel was in to shady of an area to walk back to while intoxicated. This picture was taken at a Pizza place where we each had a glass of wine. I believe that the most intoxicated we were on the trip was when we went to a theater where dinner was served before the show and we had a bottle of wine that we shared. I am and hopefully always will be a lightweight, and Anna was only 18 so we were both feeling pretty buzzed (and me admittedly sleepy) by the time the production of Tick Tick Boom starring Doogie Howser started. It makes me laugh to think back on it. We had such a wonderful trip together and hopefully there will be many more trips in our future as sisters.

On a more emotional note it feels weird to have your little sister be an adult too. I don't know why, but she was always my younger peer and I have a hard time thinking of her in the adult world, and I am sure that has something to do with the fact that I have struggled with adulthood so much myself. I am pretty sure that no matter where life takes us we will have this bond that is like best friendship x a million and I am so thankful for that. I love her so dearly, and I am sure that she understands and accepts me like no one else really could.

Happy birthday Hermanita. I hope to see you very soon and share more good times with you.

Because they need more propaganda?

I was pretty shocked when I heard this story on NPR this morning about the anti-abortion activists/ pro-lifers who were involved in using the new Dr. Seuss movie to support their cause.

This is me is the best part of the article:

But Horton decides it's his calling to protect the life on the speck: "A person's a person no matter how small," he insists.
When Jim Carrey, the film's Horton, said those words during the Los Angeles premiere of the film last week, demonstrators who'd slipped into the theater started to yell. It was a surprise, to say the least, for the premiere audience.

I guess that my main thought on that is how rude it was to ruin a premier like that. I personally think that this is just another example of people taking something out of context and using it to support their argument. There are bible verses used for this very purpose and that are often taken very much out of their original context.

Besides the fact that the people in Who-ville were fully developed people, not just embryonic cells. But I shouldn't stoop to that level or argument, when I really think that this is whole thing is just very silly and that people can support their opinions on any way they choose, but it seems to bolster the viewpoint a tad bit more when they are actually things that are intelligently related.

Vegan Corned-Beef and Cabbage?

I am not making Vegetarian Beef and Cabbage, but I am celebrating St. Patty's Day by making a Guinness themed, Vegetarian Irish meal tomorrow night. The menu includes

• Vegetarian "Beef" and Guinness Stew
• Irish Apple Mash Recipe
• Irish cheddar and Stout fondue
• Vegan Irish Whiskey Cake

I am excited about making all of this, but I also get kind of nervous when I make new things. I am wondering how strong the cake is going to taste of Whiskey. Also, generally I make vegan recipes with non-vegan products like real butter and milk and eggs. I am not a vegan and I figure that generally speaking real butter is better than fake butter.

We'll see how this Irish feast goes. My name is pretty Irish so you have to give me that. One the same hand, I cannot really drink beer like an Irishman (woman). I wish I could.

P.S. My mom always said that it was the corned-beef and cabbage that put her into labor with my sister, who was born on march 18th, 1987. I actually just remember that.

Peace of Mind

I over plan everything. I rarely am able to enjoy a movie or even a live show without thinking or planning what I am going to do afterwards and how I can use my time more efficiently to better maximize my effort. I have tried recently to let go of these things and to enjoy things in the moment, but it's something that I really struggle with.

It is hard for me to be content in the moment without worry about what is going to happen in the next hour, week, month, or year.

This morning at the Quaker meeting I reflected on life and my current circumstances. I thought about David and I and my friends. I thought about the future and the upcoming news about Grad school and what my/ our future holds. And then I let it go. And I realized how happy, and content I was at that very moment. I thought about how I had a lovely weekend with lovely company and how life doesn't always really have to be as complicated as I make it out to be. I felt a little bit guilty about thinking so simply about my life and feeling content in very simple things, but I also felt really good. And feeling good and letting go of making plans for an hour made everything seem like it would eventually just fall into place and work out for the best.

Tomorrow I will probably start making plans again. But I think I will try to make them less, enjoy the moment, and be content in the simple things.

Morning Meditation

This is a new day and the sun is shining in my window. The foundation on which I stand is peace, love, hope, relationships, and calm. May this calm truly proceed me in my actions and my words today. May the stresses of yesterday be left in the past and the freshness of today be a new beginning. May the light and hope present surround those I love as it surrounds me also. Today is a new day and I am thankful for that. I will be actively seeking a center in these foundational things today and they will ground me in my actions.

Friday Adventure

On Friday David and I spent the morning at the Tucker Wildlife Sanctuary. It's in South Eastern Orange county and driving through Modejska Canyon has a very different feel than regular Orange County. I would say that you should go as soon as possible, as the abundant rain lately has formed a lovely stream running through it, which rarely ever happens. The sound of the running water and all the wild birdies chirpy is so serene and mind clearing. We only spent about an hour bird-watching, but I could have spent all day. It was so lovely and the birds were truly abundant. I saw up close hummingbirds, scrubjays, woodpeckers, titmice, and red headed sparrows. It was truly a gift to go and I'd like to go back with friends and a picnic any time you are at all interested.

Here's a link to my mostly bird photos.

And a video of some action at the feeder.